he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Who died my cat blue again?
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