every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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