Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
