So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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