I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
