ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
how does that bad decision feel?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
