I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
