My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
