that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
