she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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