i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
