you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
