my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
