I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
