My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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