I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
