he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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