Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If that was your dad, he is hot
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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