you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
