I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
