I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
