just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
