If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
