I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
