GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
