no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
