Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
