Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize