You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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