I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
