the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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