i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
