Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
