On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
