u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
