I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize