i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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