Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
