walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
