You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize