what day is it and did you see me today?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
