apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
