I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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