I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Randomize
