hotel room ftw
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
