I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
