How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
