my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You've changed since you got that strap on
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize