oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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