I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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