Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize