So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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