you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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