just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize