How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
