"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
