dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can't turn off my feet"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
