You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
