Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
