also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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