I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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