Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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