Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
is it fun? or sober?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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