dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
