His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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