Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
