Can Purell be used as lube?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
