If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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