you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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