my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I touched a dick in church today
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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