dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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