Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
