Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My nipple is on Facebook.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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