he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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