You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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