Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
