Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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