I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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