Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
