he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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