Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
