I think my fart just growled at me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
