happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
