is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dicks are not precious.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
