Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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